


i've waited much and far too long

by ghoultown



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher - Fandom
Genre: Affection, Chronological, Cute, Established Relationship, FLUFFFFFFFFFFFFFF, Fluff, Fluff With Very Little Plot, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Isolation, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Quarantine, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Sentiment, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Universe Alteration, Video Calling, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23554531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoultown/pseuds/ghoultown
Summary: “Sorry,” he says.He wants to say:Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way.If he were to say,Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way., it would make it sound as though he didn’t love Shane at all. He already said it. And Shane doesn’t seem to be upset.(or, ryan confesses his love for shane in a video call and, from that moment on, they're constantly calling each other)
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 34
Kudos: 497





	i've waited much and far too long

**Author's Note:**

> first one shot in awhile! it was a blast to write. 
> 
> i'm going to finish the other two incomplete multi-chapters soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just had to get this out there. too cute. no angst or anything! are you proud of me?!?!?!?! i love you.

“I love you.”

Ryan blinks for a second. The lag on the call is slow but not slow enough, because Shane eventually pauses mid-stir of his coffee and stares down at the screen. A quiet laugh emerges, faint and warbled over the laptop speaker.

_“Um,”_ Shane says. His picture is blurry but not blurry enough to hide his facial expression, hesitant glee, and how red his neck is becoming. _“Wow, Ryan… this is… that was… unexpected.”_

“Sorry,” he says.

He wants to say: _Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way._ That’s the truth, at least partially. He did mean to say he loved Shane’s hair – the way it’s uncombed, untamed, barely contained within the confines of a bandana – but he said he loved Shane instead. Accurate. And he meant it. But he thought he would be able to hold that part in, at least until they could see each other in person again. If he were to say, _Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way,_ it would make it sound as though he didn’t love Shane at all. He already said it. And Shane doesn’t seem to be upset.

_“No, that’s…”_ Shane drops his spoon into his mug, shifting from foot to foot. He slowly pulls his bandana from his forehead down to his neck, running his fingers through his hair. He looks into the camera for a moment before he glances back down to the screen.

Clearly, he’s waiting for Ryan to say _Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way._ But Ryan doesn’t say anything. He just stares at the screen, his fingers pulling at the hem of his boxers as he waits for whatever fate has planned for him.

Shane slowly realizes that it isn’t a slip-up. Ryan watches the transformation pass through his face. _“Uhhh. It’s good. I don’t know what to say right now. Um.”_

“I didn’t think I was gonna say it. This soon, anyway.” His face burns. This is embarrassing. Shane is making coffee to stay awake, it’s six in the afternoon, Ryan’s hair is greasy and his glasses are crooked on his nose. This isn’t ideal. “So. You don’t have to say anything, I… damn. My mind isn’t working.”

_“Wow.”_ Shane moves his laptop back on the kitchen counter, leaning on his elbows, coffee forgotten. His hair falls into his face. _“I… Jesus, Ryan, I love you too.”_

Ryan wraps his arms around himself. He’s curled up in his bed, sitting against the headboard, just watching Shane make coffee. His chest feels warm, yet it aches. “Yeah?” he asks softly, followed by a deep sigh. “You’re not just sayin’ that?”

Shane shakes his head, _“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”_

That makes Ryan feel better. Sort of. “This is gonna suck, isn’t it?”

Shane makes a face. _“What, being apart from each other for a while?”_ He nods slowly, looking to the side and scratching his scruffy face. _“Probably. But we’ll see each other again, one day. And I gotta be honest with you, if you said this to me in person? I’d fucking faint.”_

“Me too,” Ryan bites the inside of his cheek. “Sorry for springing that on you. On the second week of isolation, no less.”

_“Eh, it’s better than not telling me at all. At least I have something to look forward to when we get outta this mess.”_ Shane looks directly into the camera, _“It’ll be okay. I do wish I could be there with you, right now.”_

Ryan almost says _well, why can’t you be here? Get in your car and drive over?_ But he knows why.

He runs a hand through his hair. “Well.” He feels like a high schooler again, calling his crush over the phone because he’s too nervous to talk to them at school. “We’ve been calling a lot recently anyway. We could… uh, call… more?”

_“I’d love that,”_ Shane looks back to the screen. His eyes are glistening. _“Wow, Ryan. I don’t even think I need coffee, I feel very awake.”_

“I might wanna sleep for a thousand years,” Ryan says quietly, burying his head in his hands. His glasses press hard against his face. He hears Shane laugh softly over the speakers, peeking out through his fingers.

_“Well, at least keep your camera on.”_ Shane smiles. His hair falls into his face and he pulls his bandana back into place. _“Awake or not, I need your company.”_

Ryan naps for the rest of the night, dreaming to the tune of Shane mumbling to himself and knocking things off of his desk as he tries to get some work done. (Shane, at some point, sends a fuzzy picture of Ryan asleep. Smiling.)

* * *

Day 2

Ryan is too nervous to start the call again.

He wakes up naturally at four in the morning, blinking himself into consciousness and slowly remembering yesterday’s course of events. The call must have disconnected at some point while he was asleep, the laptop had fallen asleep afterward. He hopes Shane had fallen asleep as well before the call disconnected. A wave of loneliness sweeps over him. He rolls out of bed, bringing the laptop with him to the kitchen just in case.

Funny, how a full day hasn’t even passed since he accidentally confessed his biggest secret to Shane. Despite sleeping through most of it, Ryan feels like it’s been ages. The event itself seems lightyears away, yet the way his stomach still flutters when he thinks about the tall man reveals how fresh this all truly is. They’ve barely talked about this – what _this_ will become, anyway. The period of time between Ryan’s confession and Ryan passing out had been surprisingly short. It’s very new, he isn’t certain how to go about this. He feels like a stupid kid, too passive to reach out, despite knowing Shane for over five years. Why is this so hard?

He props his laptop up on the counter – more specifically, he stacks three empty cereal boxes and places his laptop on top of _that_ , which is definitely a hazard, just to get a better angle – as he makes coffee, just in case Shane calls. He has his back turned, trying to grab the extra sugar tub he bought in anticipation for how much sugar he would use while cooped up in the house – a pound of sugar in two weeks. Not great.

He hears the little jingle from his laptop speaker, faint but still so loud in an empty kitchen at four in the morning. He almost falls over, stumbling over himself to click the accept button.

“Hey,” he says, even before Shane’s picture comes up.

_“Good morning!”_ Shane’s image comes up, blocky but a wonderful sight anyway. He’s walking through the main hallway of his apartment, glasses high on his nose and hair flopped on his forehead. _“You look amazing.”_

“Shut up,” Ryan says, smiling so wide his tired eyes close almost entirely. “Why are _you_ awake?”

_“Don’t know. Just happened. But I saw the little green dot by your name and now we’re here.”_ Shane places the laptop on an empty shelf in a cabinet, perfectly eye level. _“How did you sleep?”_

“Fine, thanks,” Ryan says. He walks back to grab the sugar he desperately needs. Despite getting ten hours of sleep, he can’t function quite yet. “You slept, right?”

_“Eventually! Had a weird dream about witches or something. I need to stop drinking caffeine after five,”_ Shane disappears out of frame for a moment, probably getting his French press. _“But I slept nonetheless.”_

“That’s good.” The silence settles. He’s actively trying to come up with a topic of conversation that would be interesting and not at all indicative of the deep-seated and irrational fear Ryan was feeling – this, in turn, dooms him. “Uh. What are you doing today?”

_“I’m glad you asked.”_ Shane reappears with a French press in his hands. The t-shirt he’s wearing is big on him, exposing part of his collar bone. Ryan’s lucky the video quality is so low. The “collarbone” in question is just a few pixels. Not too destructive to Ryan’s thinking abilities. _“I’m gonna use this much needed free time to spring clean my apartment.”_

“That’s fun,” Ryan smiles against his wishes, ruining the deadpan delivery. Shane is nearly humming with excitement because he’s going to _clean_ his apartment. Adorable. “You’re ridiculous, but that’s valid.”

_“What’s ridiculous about it?”_ Ryan can hear a kettle whistling in the background. _“I thought you’d respect my productivity.”_

“I _respect_ that I’ll get to look at and talk to you while you’re productive, but that’s the end of my respect,” Ryan hastily tosses a K-cup into his Keurig. Their coffee routines are very telling of their lifestyles. (Ryan has an abrupt, worrying thought: if they move in together, will Ryan have to use a French press? Having two separate coffee systems may be cumbersome.) “I’m gonna let my trash build up until it’s intervening with my ability to live. Only then will I take action.”

_“That’s really gross and I wish you wouldn’t have said that,”_ Shane crosses his arms over his chest after placing the pushing-thing-apparatus over the other-thing. Ryan knows little to nothing about French press etiquette. _“Maybe you watching me clean all day will inspire you.”_

“While I do love you,” Ryan says, the _love you_ part coming out staggered and quiet, “I would be very surprised if that were to occur.”

Shane has a stupid grin on his face. He ignores the second part of the sentence. _“Do you think that’s gonna get any less exciting to hear?”_

“I hope not,” Ryan says. His face burns and he ducks his head out of frame to grab his mug. “Then we’d have to come up with something else to say, I guess.”

_“Eh. I’m sure it won’t come to that.”_ Shane presses his lips together, a futile attempt to smother a smile.

Two hours later, Ryan is sitting on the living room floor – back pressed against the couch, legs _under_ the coffee table, laptop _on_ the coffee table, a very good set-up – watching Shane dig through his closet and, every now and then, hold a small knick-knack up to the camera and offer a fun anecdote to accompany it… before throwing it in the garbage bag beside him.

_“Oh!”_ Shane crawls back into view, a small plastic flower in his hand. _“My college statistics professor gave me this after my final exam presentation because he said it was so spectacularly terrible that it deserved a reward.”_

Ryan snickers, reaching blindly into a bag of Lays Original (that he doesn’t remember buying). “Jesus, Shane, how’d you manage that?”

_“I don’t know. Those days were kind of a blur. I was a bit eccentric, back then,”_ Shane says, looking at the purple flower fondly. _“I probably worked an irrelevant musical number in just to make myself laugh. That hasn’t changed.”_

“Also, why did you even bring that to California with you?!” Ryan has a second wave of laughter. “Why did you pack that? Why did you _keep_ it?”

_“Don’t know. Packing up was weird, I kinda just threw shit into boxes and put them on trucks.”_

“The typical moving process, then.”

Shane barks a laugh. _“Yeah, basically. I don’t know, I was sentimental about a lot of things back then.”_

“That hasn’t changed too much either,” Ryan’s voice sounds too soft for his liking.

_“Yeah, but I’m brave enough to throw things away, now.”_ He tosses the flower off-screen, fist-pumping afterward in celebration for aiming correctly into the trash. _“Hence the majority of my day being dedicated to doing just that.”_ He crawls off screen again, giant shirt dragging against the carpet as he goes, to keep searching.

“So brave,” Ryan takes another chip. “Do you think there’ll be a treasure you find in that abyss you call a closet that you _won’t_ throw away?”

_“Probably. There must be – ah!”_ Shane’s voice is distant, the tinny noise of a struggle over his laptop speakers. His hand comes into frame, clutching a grey pin with _Willow Creek China-Flat Museum_ in an orange type-font filling the rest of the space. _“Remember when you gave me this?”_

Ryan remembers. Vividly. “Oh, you kept that?”

_“Are you kidding? Of course I did!”_ Shane rolls onto the screen, rolling it between his fingers as he stares at it. _“That was a good day. Don’t know how it ended up in my closet, but I’ll be wearing it daily from now on.”_ He doesn’t move to put it on. He squints. _“Did you… do you think you… did you feel like this for me, even back then?”_

“Hm,” Ryan says. He looks away from the screen, pretending to reach for something. “How long ago was our Bigfoot hunt? Two years?”

_“At least.”_

“I mean. It’s likely. Sorry I bought you such an ugly pin.”

_“The pretty ones were, like, twelve dollars.”_ Shane chuckles, _“I fancy me a financially responsible man.”_

“Oh, right.” Ryan finally hooks his finger through the loop of his water bottle, pulling it closer to himself. To avoid suspicion or something. “When did you… when did you first feel _this_ for me?”

Shane hums faintly. His eyebrows raise, not removing his gaze from the pin he turns in his fingers. He looks at the back of the pin as if he might find an answer there. _“You know, I think I’ve always cared about you like this.”_

And he pins it to his shirt and crawls back off-screen, so casually, as if he hasn’t put Ryan’s world on its head.

* * *

Day 10

Shane settles his laptop on his nightstand, angling it perfectly to show himself when he’s laying down. Ryan does the same. It’s the first time they try to do this on purpose, video-calling while sleeping – all the other times, one of them is awake or they both just sort of… drift off without a word. Not tonight.

They’re trying to get their sleep schedules together. The weird sleep patterns they were subscribing to were making the isolation more difficult – it didn’t feel like real life, so motivation was practically non-existent. Their situation wasn’t permanent. The faster they fix this, the easier it will be for them to reenter society whenever it’s allowed.

“Welp,” Ryan says. He settles down, pulling the comforter up to his ears, looking up at the laptop. Shane turns his lamp off and mirrors him, smiling. “Goodnight, I guess.”

_“Goodnight, I guess.”_ Shane mocks him. It’s funny but, since Ryan’s energy is slowly draining from his body into his covers, he can’t summon the strength to laugh. _“Don’t worry. We’ll figure out how to make this feel like real life again.”_

“Yeah,” Ryan says, the word morphing into a yawn. “I know. I just wish I could see you, you know? Like, here.” Ryan sneaks a hand out of the covers and points to the place beside him on the mattress.

Shane purses his lips and nods. _“I know. I wish I could see you too.”_

“We’ll get to one day. I just wish it would happen _faster._ ”

Shane thinks for a moment. _“But hey.”_ Ryan looks at the screen just in time to catch Shane’s incredibly mischievous smile. _“I love ya. So there’s that.”_

Ryan sinks into the bed further than he thought he could. “I love you too.”

Shane pulls his blanket up to his chin. _“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll get used to that any time soon.”_

“Me neither.” Ryan closes his eyes, covering his grin with his pillow.

* * *

Day 27

When Shane picks up the call, Ryan opens his mouth to say something, but he’s immediately interrupted.

_“I’m naked! Hold on.”_

“Wha – “ Ryan breaks into giggles. Shane’s voice sounded like a distressed muppet. But, then again, when is that not the case? “You’re naked?”

_“Yeah, I was about to get into the shower. Let me put clothes on.”_

“No, no, that’s okay. Go take a shower, we can call when you get out.” Ryan can barely get the words out, still half-laughing from the shock of Shane screaming _I’m naked!_ at him. He sets the laptop beside the stove, dying for some breakfast.

_“No, I miss you,”_ Shane says without a second thought. His phone must be face-up on the bathroom counter. Ryan can see Shane’s head peek into view, _“I can’t miss any time with you.”_

“That’s precious, but your hair looks like it could use a wash.”

_“Oh, wow.”_ Shane feigns offense. Ryan hides his face in his shirt collar. It’s been so hard to keep a bit going since they started… being like this. He used to be able to keep a straight face, but it’s impossible now. _“That’s big talk. I just said I miss you, and you treat me like this.”_

“I care about your hygiene. Go take a shower, we’ll call when you’re out.”

_“I refuse. Here, I’ll just.”_ Shane’s head disappears and Ryan thinks about hanging up, but he can’t bring himself to. Instead, Ryan goes to the fridge to grab some eggs. He hears near-empty plastic bottles clatter against the bottom of a tub. Ryan hears the water turn on and slowly returns to his work station, placing the carton of eggs down beside the stove.

“Hey, Shane?” Ryan says faux-hesitantly. “What are you doing?”

_“You’re comin’ in here with me,”_ Shane says, muffled by the sound of running water. Ryan covers his mouth with his hand in a pensive gesture, watching a shirtless Shane set his phone up on something eye-level. _“See? How great is this?”_

“I can barely hear you, dummy!” Ryan shakes his head, watching Shane lean closer to hear him. He grabs a pan. “I can’t hear you, what’s the point of a call where you can’t hear the other person?”

_“I don’t know, what’s the point of me watching you sleep for hours? Company. Comfort.”_ Shane leans his head back, letting the water pour over his hair. _“I will say, though. If that phone slips, we’re in dangerous territory.”_

Ryan snorts. “This is a fever dream.”

_“Aw, you dream about me?”_

“Naked? Nightly.”

_“Ha,”_ Shane squints at the phone, leaning close and (probably) turning the brightness up to see exactly how much of himself he was showing. _“Jesus. I bet you weren’t expecting to see this much of me so early in the morning, huh?”_ He waggles his eyebrows.

“I wasn’t expecting to see that much of you for at least another month,” Ryan shook his head. “I’ve seen you shirtless before, though so it’s not too scandalous.”

_“That sounds like a challenge.”_ Shane raises his arms over his head, cleaning his hair. _“If I take a few steps back, you’ll be eating those words.”_

“Whatever,” Ryan smiles, opening the cabinet above his head to get the bread. “Just clean… uh, yourself quickly. So I can hear you again.”

_“Okay.”_

“So, no talking.”

_“Totally.”_

“Time is paramount.”

_“Right, of course.”_ He nods for a moment. He lets the water rinse the suds from his head before he moves to stand in front of the camera again. _“Are you making breakfast?”_

“Shane.”

_“What!”_

“Shane.”

_“Fine.”_

* * *

Day 35

Ryan nearly jumps out of his bed when he hears Shane scream, _“OH!”_

“ _Oh_ what?!” Ryan asks, turning to check and see if Shane’s being murdered or something.

_“I can write about you in my journal now!”_

* * *

Day 45

Shane’s ears notably perk up as he hears his phone go off, almost knocking his laptop over in an attempt to get to it. He reads the notification before practically bouncing up and down on the couch.

_“I gotta go check the door, I got a package.”_ Shane takes the remote and holds it up to the camera. _“Pause in 3… 2… 1.”_

Ryan hits the stop button, knowing the movie won’t be entirely in sync when they return and not caring. “What did you get?”

_“I’ll show you! Hold on.”_ Shane almost falls over as he stands to go to the door. The time Ryan counts between the door closing and Shane returning into frame is too fast for Shane not to have been sprinting. _“I got a new cologne!”_

Ryan didn’t expect that. “You did?”

Shane is struggling with the packaging. _“Yeah!”_

“Uh, and when did you order the cologne?” Ryan lifts his cap up to run his hands through his tangled hair, replacing it immediately after. He’s stopped caring about what he looks like on camera. Shane doesn’t make fun of what he looks like when he looks like a heap of garbage, not that Ryan had expected that. He hadn’t expected Shane to tell him how _handsome_ he looks in a hat, probably knowing full well that Ryan is wearing a hat because his hair was a mess. “Had to have been recent, right?”

_“Like, last week.”_

“…Okay, and why did you order cologne?” Ryan turns completely toward the camera, fascinated to learn what hijinks Shane is participating in. “During a global crisis? That requires you to stay inside at all times?”

_“You know me. I like to dress up for the day, even when the day is… uh, just me alone in my apartment.”_ Shane curses under his breath and starts gnawing on the side of the box.

“Yeah, since you’re so dressed up right now.”

Shane gasps, eyes wide. _“What the fuck! Why are you roasting me?”_

“I don’t know.” Ryan shrugs, leaning into the cushions. “Just feeling particularly savage today, I guess.”

_“I don’t know how I feel about that!”_ Shane finally rips the top off and lets the glass bottle fall out into his hand. _“Aha! Success!”_

“You did it!” Ryan plays into Shane’s celebration. “Still not exactly sure why you bought cologne, but I support you.”

_“Good.”_ Shane holds the bottle up to the camera. _“It’s so cute.”_

“What does it smell like?” Ryan asks, immediately recoiling from himself as soon ask he does so. That was weird to ask.

_“So glad you asked. It’s a sandalwood sort of thing,”_ Shane uncaps the bottle and extends his neck to spray. _“I think we’ve discussed our favorite scents – but I love a good earthy… uh, earthy scent.”_ He laughs halfway through the first attempt and tries again.

Ryan laughs in spite of himself. Shane’s just being his usual weird self, but Ryan can’t help but melt. He’s touch starved. He’d do anything to hold Shane. That thought makes him wince, but it doesn’t make it any less real.

“Uh.” Ryan has a moment, trying to figure out if he should say what he wants to say. He decides to. Shane won’t mind. “That’ll probably be a plus to the tackle hug I’ll be giving you when we next see each other.”

Shane nearly drops the bottle as he tries to fit the cap back on. He returns his full attention to the screen. _“That was adorable.”_

“Shut up.”

_“I won’t,”_ Shane says, leaning to place the cologne on the table. _“To think I’ve taken our hugs for granted in the past.”_

“Me too,” Ryan murmurs. “We’ve only really had… like, limp bro hugs.”

_“I thought that was the protocol.”_

“So did I,” he flips the remote over just to have something to do. “Not anymore, I guess.”

_“Can’t wait,”_ Shane brings his shoulders up to his ears and back down. _“I’m, like, giddy. To see you, but also what happens after.”_

Ryan raises his eyebrows. “What are you trying to say?”

Shane stutters for a second. _“Get your mind out of the gutter.”_

“What, your mind _wasn’t_ in the gutter when you spoke those words?” He bites the inside of his cheek. It’s impossible not to smile when Shane has that stupid expression on his face – embarrassed but not denying anything.

_“No! Not initially!”_ Shane runs his hands through his hair. _“I meant, like. Getting to watch movies with you and not having to go home after, I guess. And not-bro hugging you.”_

“But your mind’s in the gutter _now_ , right?”

_“I…”_ Shane shakes his head, looking away. The red on his face could be a video image issue, but the way he bites his lip isn’t. _“Let’s just watch the stupid movie.”_

Ryan is overcome with the giggles as he reaches for the remote. He’d love nothing more than to be able to kiss Shane’s dumb, red face.

_“Hit play in 3... 2…”_

* * *

Day 4,000, 065, probably

Shane kicks his legs, laying on his stomach on the bed, his head propped up in his hands. He’s staring at the screen while Ryan lounges on the couch, phone in hand, scrolling through Twitter.

_“Your hair looks nice today,”_ Shane says. _“Soft.”_

Ryan looks toward the laptop. “Yeah?”

_“Would you mind running your fingers through it and describing precisely how soft it is?”_ Shane says it completely seriously, the dreamy smile stretched across his mouth only complimenting the sentiment.

Ryan doesn’t even blink. He reaches up and tussles the top of his own head, not even acknowledging how odd it is. He thinks for a second, his eyes lighting up. “You know what? It’s kinda like… remember that time Steven came to work without product in his hair?”

_“Really?!”_ Shane scrambles to sit up, pulling the laptop into his lap. His beard is starting to fill in, making his face look longer. At least he’s attempting to keep it trimmed. _“I bet it feels like a cloud.”_

“I’m not one to be vain, but it kinda does.” He knocks his glasses further up on his nose with a knuckle. “So, your loss.”

Shane lets out a long sigh. _“You know, I’m content with being able to talk to you via machine for as long as it’s necessary, and I’ve been quite a good sport with this isolation stuff. But I miss you so much. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”_

Ryan nods slowly. “I’m glad I’m not alone in that. If this goes on for much longer, we might have to start… I don’t know, sending each other Amazon packages or something. I miss being able to, like, have a tangible Shane experience.”

_“Tangible Shane experience? Hilarious.”_ Shane rolls over onto his back, tilting his head back enough to see Ryan. _“Maybe I’ll send you some of my clothes or something. I’ve had a lot of time to think about all the subtle ways I’ll get to show you off, and sharing clothes is, like, a dream.”_

Ryan presses his cold fingers to his warm cheek. “We’ve shared clothes before.”

_“Yeah, but not for a purpose, really.”_ Shane closes his eyes. He looks tired. _“Like, I remember seeing one old Gramtown post about the… what, maybe two times we’ve shared clothes. I want to, when all of this is over, to make those posts increase… uh, exponentially.”_

“That’s cute,” Ryan says. “I’m starting to get why your statistics professor wasn’t a fan of you.”

_“Hey!”_ Shane rolls back over. _“What the fuck! I know for a FACT that I just used that word correctly.”_

“Maybe, so.” Ryan shifts, sliding down to rest his head on the arm of the couch. He opens his mouth far before he starts talking. “You know, I think I read somewhere that there are discussions that they’re gonna lift the stay-at-home order sometime soon.”

_“Don’t tease me!”_ Shane rests his head in his hands again. _“I’ll have to look into that, though. I could use a specific date to look forward to.”_

“Me too.” Ryan sighs, staring up at the ceiling. “What do you think it’s gonna be like, after this?”

_“When you say,_ this _, what do you mean?”_ Shane looks concerned. _“Like, in an ‘us’ way, or a ‘world’ way?”_

“Both, I guess.” Ryan would love nothing more than to hug Shane and drag him onto the couch and play with his stupidly long hair. “Like I can’t wait to just… hug you, you know? But then what?”

_“It won’t matter at that point. No use planning for something like that.”_ Shane’s face is so serene, it lets Ryan’s shoulders relax. _“I’m tempted to make a script or something, so the first thing I say when we see each other is… I don’t know, cool. But then it wouldn’t be real, you know.”_

“When you put it like that,” Ryan says. “I guess it makes me feel better that the nerves are mutual. It won’t be a usual first date situation.”

_“You’ll have seen me naked before our first date.”_

“I haven’t seen you all the way naked, though, so that’s not a concern.”

_“Would you like to?”_

Ryan jumps up, looking over to the screen just in time for Shane to kneel on his bed and start tugging at his sweatpants. “NO!”

_“Damn,”_ Shane says, falling back onto the bed. He collapses into giggles just in time for Ryan to meet him. _“I thought that was a fun bit.”_

“I almost got flashed.”

_“I wasn’t gonna actually go through with it.”_ He gives a glance to the camera that reveals that he probably would have gone through with it, had Ryan not stopped him.

“Keep it in your pants ‘til we hug for the first time. At least, the first time this time around.” Ryan’s brain is scrambled. He suddenly realizes that, when they meet again, Ryan won’t have to tell himself not to kiss Shane’s face whenever he wants. He won’t have to keep his hands to himself. “Should I ask your consent before kissing you, or should I just ask now and get it out of the way?”

_“Aw,”_ Shane says. _“You have my consent, now and always.”_

“Thank God,” Ryan covers his face with his hands. “I’ve got so much anxiety about meeting you, like I’ll do something wrong and we’ll have to start over.”

_“You could punch me in the face if you wanted.”_ Shane smiles. It’s charming, but when is he not? _“I don’t care. As long as I get to spend time with you.”_

“Shane, I love you.” He can’t hold it in anymore. Shane is being too sweet to handle. 

_“Ryan, I love you too.”_

* * *

Day ???

Ryan is asleep when the news breaks.

He had taken a few melatonin tablets so he was completely _out_ by eleven, waking up twelve hours later to find what seemed to be a hundred texts from Shane, the most recent one being one minute ago.

_Shane:_ _Okay, I’m on my way! If you’re still asleep, I’ll just stand outside until you wake. No pressure!_

The other hundred messages preceding it were also Shane, letting him know that the stay-at-home order was lifted, that they could finally see each other. Asking where they should meet. Asking if he should bring a bag. Eventually, his patience must have escaped him because he’d packed an overnight bag and was on his way. Right now.

Ryan blinks himself awake. He wants to take a shower, wants to clean his place, wants to do so many things to make this perfect. But Shane is on the way. His place is about twenty minutes away – twenty minutes precisely if you’re following the rules. If Ryan brushes his teeth while in the shower, he can at least seem normal when Shane appears.

After the shortest shower of Ryan’s life, he emerges. He doesn’t bother with putting his shirt on, hanging it over his shoulder as he runs around and tucks clutter under any piece of furniture he can find, gathering entire armfuls of dishes he’s been too depressed to clean up and throwing them into the sink. Trying to pretend he’s got himself together as if Shane doesn’t know precisely how much of a disaster he’s been for the past… how many days has it been? Ryan lost count.

Shane is on his way. Fuck! Ryan doesn’t have anything prepared. He knows Shane said, however long ago it was, not to prepare anything. But that just feels incredibly scary. They’ve been together at least two months, now, meeting each other for the first time since they first said they loved each other. How was this happening? Was Shane going to show up and change his mind??? Probably not. Probably.

Ryan sits on the floor in front of the door, legs crossed, his shirt sort of stuck to his damp back. He rethinks everything in the few minutes he sits there, waiting. Waiting for Shane to text and say he’ll just come over tomorrow, or that he has to go somewhere else first. Anything.

Instead, there’s a quiet knock at the door 18 minutes after Shane’s last text – which, of course, means that he broke at least one major rule of the road. Ryan is slow to stand, legs wobbly as though he’s never opened his own front door before.

He can hear Shane mumbling to himself through the door, desperately wishing he could hear exactly what he was saying. It’s just a jumble of nothing, decidedly nervous nothing. Typical Shane.

Finally, he opens the door. As fast as possible, not risking a slow-open to reveal a… ghost, or something. Whatever.

But it’s Shane. His hair is a mess, but he took the time to wear a blazer, the terrible pin attached to the lapel. His head is back to its normal, big size. What Ryan _wants_ to do is tackle him, as he promised. He wants to back up a few steps for a running start and jettison himself onto Shane for the tightest hug he’s ever given a person in his life. He gives the command, _legs go!_ , and they move… slowly. Carefully.

The entire thirty-second journey from his apartment to where Shane was standing in the hallway, Ryan’s inner monologue was pleading with him to _go faster, don’t make this sentimental, just jump on him and knock him down and make a joke._ He doesn’t, of course not. He watches Shane’s wide, eye-scrunching smile shift into a soft look of _fondness_ as he approaches.

He stands in front of Shane, leaning up onto his toes and wrapping his arms around Shane’s neck, just hugging him as slow and tight in the hallway of his apartment. He can smell Shane’s new cologne on the fabric of the blazer. Shane leans down hesitantly and squeezes his midsection, almost unsure if this is real, exposing his neck in a perfect way for a nervous kiss – which Ryan readily provides. Shane drops his overnight bag by his feet, holding him tighter, humming quietly as if to say _so this IS real!_

“I missed you,” Ryan murmurs into Shane’s neck, softly, with feeling. “And your _giant_ fucking head.”

Shane lets go within seconds. He looks down at Ryan with an expression full of betrayal, his hair falling into his face. He takes the hem of his blazer and tugs it down like a disheveled man in an old movie. For a moment, Ryan is convinced that he’s about to say _harrumph_ or something. “Wow. Your first words to me…”

He can’t even finish the sentence. His frown melts into a wide smile and he tugs Ryan into his arms again.

“Sorry,” Ryan says, muffled by Shane’s chest. He doesn’t mean it. Shane knows that and hugs him tighter anyway. “The cologne is nice.”

“Right!” Shane breaks the hug to grab his bag to throw it over his shoulder, reentering the tight hug and walking Ryan backward into his apartment. Though Ryan’s face is smushed against Shane, he can hear the smile in the taller man’s voice. “I thought you’d like it.”

“I do.” Ryan closes the door with his foot. He wonders for a while how long they will stay like this. He doesn’t want to let go, but he wants to see Shane’s face. “God. I’m sorry I was asleep. Of course I was asleep at the one time I shouldn’t have been.”

Shane rests his chin on top of Ryan’s head. In his mind, it would be an easy gesture, but the both of them feel the strain it requires – Shane’s bent down awkwardly anyway to accommodate for Ryan to stay on the ground. They seem to both have forgotten how different their heights were, which was initially an impossible occurrence.

“You’re shorter than I remember,” Shane says instead, not choosing to tell Ryan that he’s allowed to sleep as much as he wants (because Ryan already knows). He takes a reluctant step back, looking Ryan over as if there might be a switch somewhere that can make him grow back to normal. “Did you shrink?” He turns to take his shoes off at the door. “I think you did.”

“No, you grew five feet.” Ryan doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He places them on his hips. “I don’t know what to do. I didn’t prepare anything.” He looks at Shane, who is only smiling at him. “Do you want a drink?”

“I might need some coffee. Now that I’m here, all of the anxious adrenaline has worn off and I’m ready for domesticity!” He holds his arms out in a sort of dramatic _look, we made it_ gesture. “So yes, please. And we already talked about this. No preparation. We gotta persevere through the awkwardness.”

“Do we?” Ryan wanders into the kitchen. He can hear Shane follow. “Why don’t we… I don’t know, skip the awkward stuff and just kinda jump into the cool part?”

“Yeah, like that’s so easy.” Shane sits up on the counter, kicking his legs so slightly. His heels knock against the kitchen cabinets.

Ryan stares at him for a while. “I need to get under you.”

Shane blinks. “What?” He stops kicking.

“The teapot.” Ryan points to the cabinets that are obstructed by Shane’s limbs. “I’m gonna make tea. I have to get to it and your long-ass legs are in the way.”

Shane laughs for a moment before regaining a blank face, slowly parting his legs to allow Ryan to get what he needs. He looks up at Ryan through his eyelashes, waggling his eyebrows.

Ryan sighs, not even bothering to grab the kettle. He’s trying to skip awkwardness? Fine. He slots himself between Shane’s legs like they do in the terrible movies he and Shane have been watching for the past few months. Shane’s smirk disappears and he looks between Ryan’s eyes like _what the fuck is happening?!_ and Ryan just shrugs (on the inside he’s SCREAMING, but he knows his outside is completely casual) and kisses him like it’s the most normal thing in the world (again, on the inside, he’s screaming).

Shane hums a little in the back of his throat, a noise Ryan will never forget and plans to cherish for two lifetimes and tries to tug Ryan closer with his hands gripping Ryan’s shirt. Ryan parts, clearly before Shane’s ready to be done, leaning down and retrieving the teapot.

“Why are you – why are we – kiss me again.” Shane grabs at him. Ryan laughs and pushes his hands away. “Ryan!”

“I was thinking,” Ryan backs away, freeing his shirt from Shane’s fingers. “Do you think, eventually, I’m gonna have to start using your French press? Like, two coffee regimens would be overkill, right?”

“But you love your Keurig.” Shane tilts his head. Adorable. He keeps looking up and down Ryan’s body as if to try and figure out how such a human-sized man could have fit in a tiny computer screen for so long.

“Yeah, I just thought… you know. If we’re _living together_ or whatever.” Ryan fills the teapot with water, just something to do so he can get the words out. “Should I learn your ways or something?”

“Nah.”

“It won’t be… like, weird? Or inefficient. To just… y’know? It might be, like, frustrating. I don’t know.” This was a major concern Ryan had, and now it made no sense at all.

“You like your way, you keep it. Nothing’s frustrating or weird anymore. I’m with you.” Shane shrugs. Ryan wants to yell – the way he says these things with no regard for how devastatingly cute they are. “Fuck overkill. Do what you want.”

“I think this’ll be great,” Ryan says finally. He nods. “I feel safer now. Now that you’re, like, here, I feel more in control of things. Like I can go back to being normal again.”

A warm smile creeps onto Shane’s face. “Me too. Wow.”

“Yeah. Wow.” Ryan shakes his head. It still doesn’t feel real – not only to be talking to another real human being but a real-live Shane. “We made it, huh?”

“I think so,” Shane nods, sliding off the counter and walking over to the Keurig and bracing his hands on the counter. “I love you. How do you work this, again?”

“Pretty simple. And I love you too.” Ryan gives him an odd look and clicks the switch on the back. “You power it on in the back, the buttons kinda tell you what to do.”

“Great. I love you.” Shane takes a mug from the dishrack and places it under the spicket.

“What are you doing?” Ryan wants to go over and pay attention to the teapot, but he can’t seem to move from Shane’s side.

“Catching up.” He swoops in and kisses Ryan’s forehead. He smiles, looks down at Ryan, and does it again. “I love you.” His hair falls into his face. He must not have worn a headband today.

_Sorry, I meant to say, “I love your hair,” but it didn’t come out that way._ Ryan smiles and shakes his head, “I love you too, idiot. And that ridiculous hair of yours.”

“I was thinking about cutting it before I came over here since it’s getting crazy long – “

“Don’t you dare.” Ryan pokes a finger into his chest. “You keep it the way it is. I love your hair.”

Shane smiles, almost shyly, and turns back to the machine.


End file.
